What happens to all the Un-Hugged hugs?

The Daily Shouts segment on The New Yorker recently did a cute little comic called ‘What happens to all the Un-Hugged Hugs’ and it got me thinking about ‘Hugs’

I have had a weird history with hugs. My family is not very keen on showing affection, be it verbally or physically. For the longest time in my life, I was uncomfortable with hugging people no matter how close I was to them.

I once watched this Japanese movie called ‘Ohayo’ which revolved around the nicety of saying ‘Good Morning’ and how not saying it could lead to a myriad of misunderstandings. I was amazed after watching it. I didn’t really realize that such a small thing could make such a big difference to our social lives. Long ago, I had a flatmate who used to say Good Morning to all of us everyday. I found it really weird and used to be super awkward when I said Good Morning back to him. It was never something that we did in my parents’ house so I wasn’t used to it. After watching the movie, the realization finally sort of dawned on me and I gradually made a conscious effort to say Good Morning to all my flatmates everyday. The day started off on a better note automatically. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that it brought about a drastic change in my social life. 🙂

Coming back to hugs, this whole story was to stress on the fact that hugs remove the awkwardness between people. You can say so many unsaid things through a hug. You could tell someone who you met after a long time that you really missed them.  You could tell someone you will not see in a long time that you will really miss them. You could tell people you love them without even saying anything. The intensity of the hugs can differ depending on the person – if its an aquaintance it might be a light half hug and if its your best friend its a bone crushing squeeze.

I am happy to say that now I am super comfortable with hugs. My mother is still apprehensive of it. I remember the first time I hugged her was when I was leaving home to start my first job. I cannot believe it took so long but that’s just how things were. Now, of course, I hug her every time I leave my hometown after meeting her. I hug all my friends when I meet them after a long time and my favourite hugs are the ones right before leaving people, not knowing when we will meet next.

With Covid, I don’t really know what the future of hugs will be. The NewYorker cartoon talked about how these hugs are lingering around the city in despair and waiting to be rejoined with our bodies again, literally and figuratively. A friend recently texted me that she coudln’t wait to hug me when she meets me. This is the longest we have gone without meeting each other, because of the lockdown. I suddenly remembered Shilpa Gupta’s installation ‘For, in your tongue I cannot fit’ that I had seen at the Kochi Biennale. As a small part of the installation she had whispered the poetry of several jailed poets from across the world and then she seals and closes the jar. Only if my friend could also seal these hugs in a jar until I met her and I could feel all the warmth and love pouring forth when I opened it. Or even better, if she could just somehow wrap it up and send it to me. And that’s where all the un-hugged hugs could go. 🙂

A Cup of Tea

Sometimes the simplest things give place to some really strong emotions. One of those things for me is definitely Tea. Here is a timeline of tea in my life:

Childhood
I would see my mother and father indulging in tea about 3 to 4 times a day. Those would be the moments where they would chat to each other and not engage in watching TV or doing anything else. It seemed like a good time to catch up.
When we went to visit other families and friends, they would serve tea to everyone except the kids because tea was STRICTLY NOT for kids, only the adults could have it. We would be served coke or juice, as if that was any healthier!?

Teenage
I was allowed the liberty to have tea but I didn’t find any pleasure in it. Maybe I had not yet developed the taste buds for it? I was assigned the job of making the evening tea for both my parents. I had learnt the exact recipe and we used the same teaspoon for the tea leaves which was used for years. The day it that spoon dissappeared, I was at a loss. I wasn’t sure if my tea would taste the same.

Love
I met someone who loved tea and I fell in love with him and with tea at around the same time. We used to go to the hills and the mountains and while the views and the company changed – one thing remained the same – Tea.

Friendship
Tea became a constant. I would go meet friends and we would always start our day with it even if our day actually started in the Afternoon. I had a friend who would give her all and make tea for me. It would simmer for a long time, finely crushed ginger was added in the end. She would bring out the best cups and pour them out neatly. We would then sit at our table with coasters and all, light a scented candle along with a hand rolled cigaratte and those were some of the best evenings with Tea.

Most recently, my father made us all a cup of tea. I had my doubts about how it would taste. I don’t even know the last time he went to a kitchen. To my surprise, it was absolutely delicious. I guess there are some things that you can’t forget how to do once you have learnt it – much like riding a bicycle.

Phases
There have been gaps of months and years when I have not had tea and there have been phases where I have had tea on a daily basis. For me it is just one of those things – the excess of which gets to me and I have to eventually take a break. But whenever I go back, my love gets stronger and I go all in – simmering, sipping and smoking all worries away.

Unwanted Reviews – 2

Another day at work, I decided to randomly click on whatever music related link that appeared on my YouTube page and decided to review that music. This time around I will also have a verdict as to whether I would want to hear it again or not. I kept on choosing mildly interesting titles from the suggested list and here is what we have:

The video looks great and the music is great for when you’re walking because of the beats. I can’t imagine how many people it must have taken to bring this edit into place and all singing the same song again and again. My verdict is YES I would like to hear it again. He sings it in such a high pitch and his voice is so powerful, its amazing.

OMG how cute is this! And I didn’t expect her voice to be like that, reminds me of Passenger, a teenage version though. This gives me just another reason to love Youtube and its algorithm which I do have my complaints with often. A BIG YES for this one, I will actually add it to my playlist for sure! Do not miss the well written lyrics:

Wishing I could see the machinations
Understand the toil of expectations in your mind
Hold me like you never lost your patience
Tell me that you love me more than hate me all the time
And you’re still mine

I had to try another one, after loving the last one and yes this band is here to stay! YAY! I found a new favourite. 🙂

I used to listen to Rudimental back in College and maybe I was looking for the same kind of magic but the song didn’t give me the same feels and I would rather NOT listen to it again. The video is worth watching once though, its all kinds of travel goals! 😀

Idk how to describe this one. I went in expecting a better song considering the video and the beautiful beautiful colors but alas! Very average song. NOT adding it to my list. The video again is very refreshing. A good reference to store for when you want to deck up something with a hundred colors. 😛

 

Why do writers write?

Writers write to keep memories from dying.

Writers write because it’s their high.

They write because it’s easier than talking.

They write because they want someone to read them like they read others.

Writers write because sometimes punctuation is really important.

Writers write to convert words into a painting in your mind.

They write to take you everywhere they have been.

They write so that you can hear every echo in the story they wrote.

Writers write so that their words can pierce your heart.

But they also write to mend broken ones.

Monsoon Playlist

A roundup of the monsoon beauties before I these songs disappear into the vortex of my brain.

I love all the shades of a relationship they managed to capture in this one song with the one common motif of travelling in the underground. I am a fan of public transport and I have so many stories related to it. It is a modern cultural experience in itself. To see it being used like this was nothing short of magic to me. 🙂

I have loved Angus and Julia Stone since ‘Big Jet Plane’. Their dreamy music is always so soothing and this video is Vacation goals AF! 😉

I stumbled upon Roo Panes accidentally and the only question I have is why didn’t I not know him earlier? It’s like I have found Damien Rice from the parallel universe!

This one is just to add the much needed color and peppiness to the sobriety that might have been induced by all the indie songs above. XD

“I’d rather dance than talk with you”. Enough said. 🙂

 

40 Days of Dating

For everyone who has the slightest of interest in social experiments and relationship psychology – 40 Days of Dating will keep you in its spell from Day 1 to Day 40. Here is what their “About” reads:

What do you do when you’re tired of the prospect of dating? Two good friends with opposite relationship problems found themselves single at the same time. As an experiment, they dated for 40 days.

Since both of them were designers, the website is a colourful journey of the 40 days, interspersed with beautiful typography of a moment or a scenario that stood out from that particular day. They answer the exact same questions about each other every day and it makes for an interesting read and some amazing material to define the human psychology. There are moments when you will relate with their situation, the trivial topics they sometimes fight over and the misunderstandings.

Here is the link to the website which you must scroll through even if you cannot read through it:

http://fortydaysofdating.com/

TBH, I think people who have been dating for quiet some while should answer these questions as well. It would probably give them a wholly new perspective on life and of course, on their relationship as well.

 

Summer Nights

There is this thing about summer nights, a nostalgia that doesn’t fade, be it months or years or even decades.

I remember the nights I spent at my Nani’s place, lying in the cot on the night under a starry sky, the rings of the mortein coil rising to the sky while the pomeranian who slept below my cot snored lightly.

I remember the nights at my Dadi’s house, when there wasn’t even a cot to lie on, just a hard plastic mat and sometimes it used to get so cold in May that we used to bring out the blankets from the trunk on the terrace.

It was an altogether different feeling, waking up to sunshine on your face and once in a while, to rains, when you had to wake up and rush inside, taking your bedding and covers along.

I remember the nights at my house in Lucknow. It didn’t happen often but when it did, I was surprisingly glad. No electricity meant darkness, which meant freedom, to go to the terrace, in the middle of the night or outside, to exchange some notes with people you couldn’t meet otherwise.

Summer,

A love hate relationship with you has given me memories which are equally bittersweet. There were power cuts all the time, but anything beyond the mundane life was welcome. It seemed like life got even more monotonous during your time. It was the same day lived, over and over again, specially during the vacations which we craved  for but within 10 days, got bored of.

Now, there is watermelon in the evening, followed by finally switching off the A.C., when Maa came rushing in to tell us to get some fresh air. We reluctantly go to the rooftop and listen to some music until it is dark and the mosquitoes attack. And then we go back to our artificially created atmosphere.

I do miss you, it is true. I miss the feel of heat on my skin when I came back from school, craving a chilled glass of sherbet. I miss sitting on the staircase playing cards with my cousins because we couldn’t watch TV. Most of all, I miss the darkness of the night, where everyone gathered around together, because they had no screens to look at, no instruments to distract them, and we could just be there, in the moment, waiting for the light to come back and at the same time wishing that it does not.

I miss you, Summer.

Sibling Love

So when I was a little girl I had this really beautiful swing under the porch of my house where I used to spend all my day. When you are the only child, you tend to become lonely and you resort to games and imaginary friends. I can’t say that I had any imaginary friends but I used to play a lot of games where there was someone who played with me. That person was never given an identity but he/she was the perfect companion. Those were simpler times. My mother gifted me a tiny little sister when I was 7 years of age. I still had a few years to play those imaginary games. My sister was too little to be a part of it. But then I managed to have fun anyway. She grew up to be around 3 years of age when we finally could play together. We used to make blanket forts and used to hide there all day, making up stories and situations. I used to be the head of the whole thing, being the elder one, but never bossy. And then the day came when I stopped playing these games and my sister found other friends. I wish I could have been her playmate for longer.

Penfriends

This is a very personal post and you might question me why am I posting it here but then who is reading this blog anyway 😛

Its like the new Nescafe ad that came out recently. It has an RJ who hosts a show at 5:30 a.m. and uses it as his USP to invite callers. He says that you can say whatever you want because no one is listening. I think it makes sense. You want to get it out there. It feels better that way. Writing in a diary wasn’t so satisfying. 🙂

Anyway, I have digressed enough. This post is dedicated to a friend who I would like to call my penfriend. Yes we have been acquaintances since about four to five years but we became friends very recently and our friendship has progressed by the way of emails that we exchange during our work hours. It is really strange how and when it happened but leaving that aside, it has been an enriching experience for me. I learn so much everyday and there is so much we share that teaches us tons about the random-est things. And the part I like the best is that when one of us wants the other to see a new video or listen a new song, we take it as a serious affair and watch it with dedication. After all, everything we share with anyone has so much more meaning than what you see on the surface.

This is the story of the 1600+ Emails that we have exchanged until now. Being the hoarder that I am, I wanted to archive our conversations before they got lost in the millions of words that we exchange everyday with everyone in our lives. Because this I feel, is important.

It began with my first week at office, when he sent me a link back of the website I was working for. The subject line has since then been “What’s this?” because the site wasn’t working. We went on to talk about SoundCloud and the treasure that it is. Yes people, go check it out! You will forget downloading songs to your phone after that.

Then there is the “Good Morning” post which is always something super fun – perhaps a video or a song that will make your day and set your mood right. The endless conversations about Harry Potter, even after he has “moved on” to bigger things I suppose, but wait and watch how I bring it back to you.  Then there are those parts when we talk about each others’ lives and I am awed by the amount of work he gets done in a day while I procrastinate away my whole day.

My favorite part is the conversations around life, love, friendship and relationships – when there are conversations like these:

• Why do you think when people are sad/depressed, they feel like wandering/going some place alone to get back on their feet?
• Are articles really better than books?
• The hidden meanings of songs which seemed pretty normal (Little Talks).
• Thinking about publishing the emails but then realizing no one would ever read them
• A constant flow of ideas of startups around making personalized gifts for people and what not!
• Advise on how to live life and how to be the zen-est version of yourself.

There is the endless to and fro of music and video suggestions and sometimes the conversations are solely composed of YouTube links that are ScoopWhoop worthy material.

Whenever one of us doesn’t go to office, it just seems weird and it just doesn’t feel right! It is amazing how your mood shifts with every mail and you end up smiling whenever you see that familiar notification! It is good to know that there is always someone who will give an impartial judgement on your writing and life in general! And the best part is that you get to know yourself in the process of knowing them.

Thanks for being there Pen Pal! 😀

 

Sober Notes 9: Twilight

Why do lovers wait for the moon to have a conversation?

I think sunsets are equally beautiful.