poems

Perks of living in a small city

As a child, I moved around a lot due to my father’s job. I have lived in metro cities and towns which had only recently upgraded from being villages I suppose. One such town was Lalitpur, also my little sister’s birthplace. So you could ask me, “Are there actually any perks of living in a small city?” And I would judge you and give you a look of pure horror because trust me there can be nothing better.

So here it goes: the first pro is that you know everyone and everyone knows you and when you are a child, there is nothing better than being pampered by every other person on the street. The people are kinder and more friendly and you can get things done your way because well, everyone is a friend.

All your school friends live close by and meet you every evening because everyone in the town goes to the same school, because the town has only ONE school. HAHA! I even had some teachers who went on to become family friends and I could just skip doing Home Work and get away easily.

The houses are bigger and better, the living conditions are great, everything is cheaper in general and the quality of living is good as well. I lived in a huge house rented by two tenants and the landlord lived on the first floor as well. All our families were close knit and we literally spent every waking moment together – playing or chatting or eating at each other’s houses. Ah, the joys of living together. Apartments suck!

Wherever you wanna go, it isn’t too far. Agreed, that there aren’t many places to go to within the city but then there are always touristy places within 100 kms of every city in India, I think. I could be wrong, but that has never happened to me.

I have had my share of living in villages and even tinier towns and it has always been a pleasant experience. Apart from the frequent electricity cuts, it always feels like a retreat. Its even better when its home away from home.

Life was fun and carefree and living in the hustle bustle of Mumbai, makes me miss those places. I never went back to visit once I left that town. I really want to go and see how much it has changed and if it really has? Because some things never do. 🙂

 

Damien Rice

If I had to describe Damien Rice in just a few words I would say he is the one who can make you cry, make you fall in love, make you fall out of love and then teach you a thing or two about it. I cannot even recount the number of times I have just sat on my terrace listening to his songs, staring into nothingness. It is surreal. It really is. But of course that could just be my opinion, you will have to listen to him to believe me. 🙂

Here are some of his beauties which really stayed with me, the name of the song in bold followed by some of the lyrics:

I still haven’t found what I am looking for

I have kissed honey lips,
Felt the healing in her fingertips.
It burned like fire,
This burning desire.

Delicate

So why do you fill my sorrows,
With the words you’ve borrowed?
From the only place you’ve known.
And why do you sing Hallelujah?
If it means nothing to you,
Why do you sing with me at all?

I don’t want to change you

Wherever you are
Well, know that I adore you.
No matter how far
Well, I can go before you.
And if ever you need someone
Well, not that you need helping
But if ever you want someone
I know that I am willing.

Wherever you go
Well, I can always follow.
I can feed this real slow
If it’s a lot to swallow.
And if you just want to be alone
Well, I can wait without waiting
If you want me to let this go
Well, I am more than willing.

Wishing upon a Star

I found a picture,
Between the tattered pages,
Of an old notebook.
It was a picture of you,
With your teeth shining,
Like the pearls sewn in your dress.
The colour of the sky,
And freshly plucked flowers,
Adorned the laces on your sleeve.
A prettier picture I had not seen.
I look back at those days,
When I asked mother;
“Why did you have to have
another daughter?”
How could I have been so ignorant,
I had always wished for someone magical,
To come into my life,
To fill in the vacant afternoons,
To be a partner-in-crime,
To be all mine.
What would have I ever done without you?
You are the greatest gift ever.
I never wished for anything again.

Sober Notes 6: The Moon

“What are you thinking about?” he asks me.
I tell him “I am thinking about the moons and the stars.”
“Why them?” he asks.
“I was just wondering how the moon maintains its calm among all these stars?”
He replied in the voice that asserts authority, the voice that says I will give you knowledge “The stars, however bright are not visible in the morning, like the moon is.”

“How does it not feel inadequate?”
“Why would it feel inadequate when it gives birth to waves and to life, and to poetry that you write.”

“How is it not jealous of the sun which shines so bright?”
“The sun is eclipsed by the moon, proving that size is just a number.”

“How does it maintain individuality among so many others?”
“When you talk about individuality, can any other satellite boast of all those patterns on its face, where a man can see the silhouette of her love, who looks at the same moon even though they are several miles apart.”

-S.

Pain

Will this pain ever end, this unbearable pain?
I close my eyes, want to disappear right then.
End this pain or end this inspiration.
I have had enough of this mortal being.
Take me to a place where pain doesn’t exist.
Let go, let it be and let me hold your hand,
As together we make our way to a land,
Where no one has ever been to before.
A place where I would sleep till eternity.
Even after time completes infinite circles,
Because this life has completed its own.
All i want now is for this pain to end.
This crevasse wont heal on its own,
Not in a world like this.
Lets go, lets go, to our new world,
A brand new world for a brand new us.
All cracks healed, all pains left behind.
I will put an end to this meaningless existence.
Finally the heart of life lets go of the life of the heart.
I float through those realms to meet you halfway,
And we depart to our world hand in hand,
To put an end to this desolate search for nothing.

-S.

Making Meanings

It’s funny how a single word could possess so many meanings. Yesterday while watching Button Poetry (refer to previous post) I came across a poem “Phases”:

They (Kevin Kantor and Sienna Burnett) talk about the different ways in which this simple word is used.

“I’m just going through a phase.”

“The process of waxing an waning.”

You get the gist.

The word I thought I would make meaning of was: SPACE.

With time it has come to mean so many things to me. Earlier when I was at school, all it meant was a physical tangible space.

Then there was the phase when I realised what sadness was and started spacing out. I don’t know how it was for you but I distinctly remember this phase in my life when I started getting sad and depressed and this depression lasted for hours. Maybe it was during puberty maybe later but there was this point when it all changed! That was also when I started ‘Daydreaming’. There are so many instances where I just space/phase out and lose track of what is happening. Daydreaming is just an old hobby of mine. I guess when you have to reach out to a world happier than your present one, there is no other option.

In my relationships with people, we talked about “our space”, the times when we needed space which we would not have to share. Needing space essentially means getting away and taking a break. This particular space also talks about a mental space. What you want is to have that person out of sight, out of mind. Sometimes the other person needed more space, sometimes I did. This was a hard one because someone always suffered.

Then when I came to college, space became this huge thing to be researched about. It is one of those elements of life which you don’t credit as much as it deserves. There was talk of “safe space” – a space where feminists like me could talk about our ideologies.

Safe space also reminds me of the need for a world where I could live the way I want to, without any restrictions and inhibitions. Space becomes such an important factor in your life when you really think about it.

Home. One of the most important spaces of your life. The place where you grow up, learn and then finally leave only to go to another space to make it your home, or a place which looks familiar to it.

And lastly, what I could think of, the space that this blog is, a space on the web, intangible. It’s not physical, not mental but a combination of the two and that makes it so so special.

That’s all that I could come up with, what is your meaning of space? 🙂

Button Poetry

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Thoughts on Rumi

Tonight feels like the night to read Rumi. I was first introduced to him only recently by a friend and there is no way someone could not love his writing (don’t mind the double negatives). Ever since I read his poetry/verses I keep going back to Kitaabkhana, to the section where his books are and get lost in them. Here are some of his gems. ❤

In your light I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest
Where no one sees you,
But sometimes I do,
And that sight becomes art.

Wow, the search for a the muse comes alive through his lines. Even for me, there is this constant search for inspiration which is only satiated by something like a memory or something that love teaches me on this journey called life. 🙂

This moment that love comes to rest in me,
Many beings in one being.
In one wheat grain a thousand sheaf stacks.
Inside the needle’s eye, a turning night of stars.

Just the beauty of how a million things could be housed into a single entity with the power of love.

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
How blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.

Clichéd? But beautiful.

I know a lot must have been lost in translation but then that gives me another thing to do in life. Someday maybe I will learn to read it in its original form. And then I will fall even more in love with him, if that’s possible. 🙂

-S.

Thoughts on Kahlil Gibran

Let me bathe my soul in colours; let me swallow the sunset and drink the rainbow.

Such profound lines. Kahlil Gibran is one of those writers who leaves you dumbfounded for words. I have read a few of his works – ‘The Prophet’ and ‘The Secrets of the Heart’. Needless to say, he expresses the beauty of the world in just a few words.

Here are some more of his lines that will make you fall in love with his writing:

  • A true hermit goes to the wilderness to find -not to lose himself.
  • I often picture myself living on a mountain top, in the most stormy country in the world. Is there such a place? If there is I shall go to it someday and turn my heart into pictures and poems.
  • What is poetry? An extension of vision – and music is an extension of hearing.
  • Knowledge is life with wings.
  • You listen so much more than I can say. You hear consciousness. You go with me where the words I say can’t carry you.

It is amazing how much I can relate to him even now in this age even when he wrote all this long ago. My love for travelling and trekking comes out through the first line. It was then when I found myself, found love and so many other things.

It has always been a dream to settle down in the mountains, sometime in my life, disconnected from the rest of the world. Just me, my books and my writing. The second line says all that for me.

The next line brings out my love for poetry and music. Even though I am not a poet in the true sense of the word, I like to express myself through as little as can be said, and that is what poetry is for me, who decides the exact definition of it anyway. Music takes me to another world all together. Our five sense are forever in action, only at rest when we sleep. But still there are moments of high when a particular kind of sound, sight, smell, touch and taste transport you to another world altogether.

The fourth line is extremely inspiring, owing to my never ending curiosity for knowledge, to know more and to learn more. Everything I am today, I owe to my education. The simple fact that I am writing this blog right now is also because of knowledge. Knowledge of a writer who I came across and learnt to love.

The last line is perhaps my favourite. Its about how that one person knows your being and soul and mind so well that they are always aware of what your consciousness is thinking or saying. A relation like that is difficult to achieve and lucky are those who reach that level. The last line leaves me confused. It has several meanings I could think of. I will leave it to you to decipher it your own way. 🙂

~Shreya