writing

Lost and Found

I haven’t written on the blog for a really long time but finding this treasure forced me to write again. I am a sucker for cheesy videos and if they are couples with great animation and even better music, my day is made! This channel has several such videos and I just cannot wait to go back home and binge watch all of them.

For the time being, watch this and relive the charm of UP (sort of).

There is something about older couples that just makes you go ‘Aww’. It’s beautiful how the little elements keep popping up and all of those tiny things merge in the end to form a beautiful story. All the while it left me wondering about what’s going to happen and the end was the best it could possibly be. ❤

To find love in objects of affection is one thing, but to make love grow through them is completely another.

 

Penfriends

This is a very personal post and you might question me why am I posting it here but then who is reading this blog anyway 😛

Its like the new Nescafe ad that came out recently. It has an RJ who hosts a show at 5:30 a.m. and uses it as his USP to invite callers. He says that you can say whatever you want because no one is listening. I think it makes sense. You want to get it out there. It feels better that way. Writing in a diary wasn’t so satisfying. 🙂

Anyway, I have digressed enough. This post is dedicated to a friend who I would like to call my penfriend. Yes we have been acquaintances since about four to five years but we became friends very recently and our friendship has progressed by the way of emails that we exchange during our work hours. It is really strange how and when it happened but leaving that aside, it has been an enriching experience for me. I learn so much everyday and there is so much we share that teaches us tons about the random-est things. And the part I like the best is that when one of us wants the other to see a new video or listen a new song, we take it as a serious affair and watch it with dedication. After all, everything we share with anyone has so much more meaning than what you see on the surface.

This is the story of the 1600+ Emails that we have exchanged until now. Being the hoarder that I am, I wanted to archive our conversations before they got lost in the millions of words that we exchange everyday with everyone in our lives. Because this I feel, is important.

It began with my first week at office, when he sent me a link back of the website I was working for. The subject line has since then been “What’s this?” because the site wasn’t working. We went on to talk about SoundCloud and the treasure that it is. Yes people, go check it out! You will forget downloading songs to your phone after that.

Then there is the “Good Morning” post which is always something super fun – perhaps a video or a song that will make your day and set your mood right. The endless conversations about Harry Potter, even after he has “moved on” to bigger things I suppose, but wait and watch how I bring it back to you.  Then there are those parts when we talk about each others’ lives and I am awed by the amount of work he gets done in a day while I procrastinate away my whole day.

My favorite part is the conversations around life, love, friendship and relationships – when there are conversations like these:

  • Why do you think when people are sad/depressed, they feel like wandering/going some place alone to get back on their feet?
  • Are articles really better than books?
  • The hidden meanings of songs which seemed pretty normal (Little Talks).
  • Thinking about publishing the emails but then realizing no one would ever read them
  • A constant flow of ideas of startups around making personalized gifts for people and what not!
  • Advise on how to live life and how to be the zen-est version of yourself.

There is the endless to and fro of music and video suggestions and sometimes the conversations are solely composed of YouTube links that are ScoopWhoop worthy material.

Whenever one of us doesn’t go to office, it just seems weird and it just doesn’t feel right! It is amazing how your mood shifts with every mail and you end up smiling whenever you see that familiar notification! It is good to know that there is always someone who will give an impartial judgement on your writing and life in general! And the best part is that you get to know yourself in the process of knowing them.

Thanks for being there Pen Pal! 😀

 

Anniversary

A month ago my blog completed its 1 year anniversary. I still remember the time when I decided to begin writing everyday. Life did get into my way and things happened such that I lost interest after about 100 posts. Should have stuck to the 100 days of Happiness theme. There is a slight sense of failure that comes in with everything that you leave midway. All the drafts pending in my blog make me sad. It makes me even more sad that some of them are half written and left midway. Does that also talk about the way I live life? But I cannot remember any instances where I left something so important midway. Whenever it comes to taking up responsibilities I am the first one to be aggressive enough to complete it at the earliest even at the risk of being in charge, which I believe I am really bad at. Maybe its the things that concern only me. Maybe its about putting others before myself. Well, I can’t really judge all this on my own. I do need a second, third and maybe even a fourth opinion. This is turning into another one of my stream of consciousness posts but that’s what I do best. That’s what comes naturally to me and the best part is that it helps me in relieving stress. Lately, I have been pretty active on social media ranging from Facebook to Snapchat and lots of Instagramming. Made me question some things like how did I begin sharing my life publicly like this, when exactly did this happen? When I thought about it, I realized that it gives you the feeling of being looked after. When I think, I sometimes think about God listening to my thoughts and helping me out when I am in trouble. Being a so-called ‘Atheist’, I don’t know how that happens but it isn’t exactly God, it’s just some higher power above. It’s like when you’re scared of the ghost under your bed, you want someone to be there. Similarly, when I post anything publicly, I like to believe someone is watching and will help me out. And if not help me, they will at least lend an ear, and to know that someone’s listening is soothing enough.

Writer’s Block Part 2

When you overcome it, you write this:

I was trapped between pages, crisp and white – the ink hadn’t even dried yet.
Between lines- handwritten with loops and curls made with love and care.
Between words – big and small that held so much more than meanings in the dictionaries.
And finally I got lost amidst punctuations – deep, dark and complicated, which almost burst through into the next page.
This was what life had come to. Would it be a full-stop or just an ellipsis? Was it the beginning of “The Ends” or was it just another “To be continued. . .”
The ink stains had started wearing off. The pages began turning frail and yellow.
Overcome the commas and don’t limit yourself within parentheses’. Exclaim with joy, find happiness wherever possible. Do not be afraid of questioning things. Don’ let the semicolons delay your journey to success and turn the period into the ellipsis which will guide your way.
Turn the page!
Start a new Chapter!

100 Follows

When I joined WordPress, it was just a way to express feelings, reflect, wonder and things like that. 😛
Now I am at a 100 followers, I know that’s not much but it is unexpected considering that very few of my friends follow me on WordPress. I really didn’t tell many people about it, just a select few. It’s good to know that 100 people might read something that you wrote.
I remember a friend used to bug me to death until I responded to something he wrote or drew or a song that he had told me to listen to. I was never that way. Not to that you extent, at least. I think that also borrows from how you were in your childhood. I was never the kind who would raise their hands if I knew the answer, who would jump up and show the teacher that they had finished the sum. I was the kind who would not turn submit the homework just because no one else in the class did. Enough digressing, this is for whoever is following this blog – which is more of an effort at self-reflection. Keep following and thanks for sticking by me. Suggestions are always welcome. 🙂

Que Sera, Sera

 Whatever will be, will be.

Is this not what all of us should believe in and trust our faith in? Thanks to Alfred Hitchcock for making the song popular so that I can put my feelings in words easily – whatever will be, will be.

I was inspired by the song (and by Dumbledore) to write something really random:

When I was young, I read a book
I asked my heart, do these worlds really exist?
My heart replied, maybe it is only in your head,
But that doesn’t mean, that it doesn’t exist.

Here’s the song which also won the oscars. Some lyrics from the song:

When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here’s what my sweetheart said.

Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

Sober Notes 6: The Moon

“What are you thinking about?” he asks me.
I tell him “I am thinking about the moons and the stars.”
“Why them?” he asks.
“I was just wondering how the moon maintains its calm among all these stars?”
He replied in the voice that asserts authority, the voice that says I will give you knowledge “The stars, however bright are not visible in the morning, like the moon is.”

“How does it not feel inadequate?”
“Why would it feel inadequate when it gives birth to waves and to life, and to poetry that you write.”

“How is it not jealous of the sun which shines so bright?”
“The sun is eclipsed by the moon, proving that size is just a number.”

“How does it maintain individuality among so many others?”
“When you talk about individuality, can any other satellite boast of all those patterns on its face, where a man can see the silhouette of her love, who looks at the same moon even though they are several miles apart.”

-S.

Making Meanings

It’s funny how a single word could possess so many meanings. Yesterday while watching Button Poetry (refer to previous post) I came across a poem “Phases”:

They (Kevin Kantor and Sienna Burnett) talk about the different ways in which this simple word is used.

“I’m just going through a phase.”

“The process of waxing an waning.”

You get the gist.

The word I thought I would make meaning of was: SPACE.

With time it has come to mean so many things to me. Earlier when I was at school, all it meant was a physical tangible space.

Then there was the phase when I realised what sadness was and started spacing out. I don’t know how it was for you but I distinctly remember this phase in my life when I started getting sad and depressed and this depression lasted for hours. Maybe it was during puberty maybe later but there was this point when it all changed! That was also when I started ‘Daydreaming’. There are so many instances where I just space/phase out and lose track of what is happening. Daydreaming is just an old hobby of mine. I guess when you have to reach out to a world happier than your present one, there is no other option.

In my relationships with people, we talked about “our space”, the times when we needed space which we would not have to share. Needing space essentially means getting away and taking a break. This particular space also talks about a mental space. What you want is to have that person out of sight, out of mind. Sometimes the other person needed more space, sometimes I did. This was a hard one because someone always suffered.

Then when I came to college, space became this huge thing to be researched about. It is one of those elements of life which you don’t credit as much as it deserves. There was talk of “safe space” – a space where feminists like me could talk about our ideologies.

Safe space also reminds me of the need for a world where I could live the way I want to, without any restrictions and inhibitions. Space becomes such an important factor in your life when you really think about it.

Home. One of the most important spaces of your life. The place where you grow up, learn and then finally leave only to go to another space to make it your home, or a place which looks familiar to it.

And lastly, what I could think of, the space that this blog is, a space on the web, intangible. It’s not physical, not mental but a combination of the two and that makes it so so special.

That’s all that I could come up with, what is your meaning of space? 🙂

Thoughts on Rumi

Tonight feels like the night to read Rumi. I was first introduced to him only recently by a friend and there is no way someone could not love his writing (don’t mind the double negatives). Ever since I read his poetry/verses I keep going back to Kitaabkhana, to the section where his books are and get lost in them. Here are some of his gems. ❤

In your light I learn how to love.
In your beauty, how to make poems.
You dance inside my chest
Where no one sees you,
But sometimes I do,
And that sight becomes art.

Wow, the search for a the muse comes alive through his lines. Even for me, there is this constant search for inspiration which is only satiated by something like a memory or something that love teaches me on this journey called life. 🙂

This moment that love comes to rest in me,
Many beings in one being.
In one wheat grain a thousand sheaf stacks.
Inside the needle’s eye, a turning night of stars.

Just the beauty of how a million things could be housed into a single entity with the power of love.

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
How blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.

Clichéd? But beautiful.

I know a lot must have been lost in translation but then that gives me another thing to do in life. Someday maybe I will learn to read it in its original form. And then I will fall even more in love with him, if that’s possible. 🙂

-S.

75th Blog Post/Diamond/Stream of Consciousness

As regular followers (I know there aren’t any) one would be able to find certain trends in my blog. I have decided to make all the 25-50-75-th posts about the blog and in general about writing. The 50th one was about writing and this one is about writing in a stream of consciousness way. For those who don’t know, Stream of Consciousness is an uninterrupted flow of ideas, it’s like you write whatever comes to your mind, unedited. It’s your feelings, thoughts, emotions in a continuous flow. So that reminds me of when I was a kid and used to write in my journal, I used this technique wherein I wrote a word and then another word that came to my mind on writing the previous word and so on. This was basically a recounting of my daily experiences and life in general and you won’t believe but till this day I remember the whole thought process behind each and every word and also how it led me to the next word. Surprisingly, I didn’t even know about the concept of Stream of Consciousness then, but aren’t all these concepts just ordinary processes until somebody gives them a name.So since this is the 75th post, you know how it is marked by diamonds, as in it is termed The Diamond Anniversary or something, so this is my diamond post(?), uninterrupted, unedited, straight from the heart. What comes to my mind first when I think about diamonds is that night when we went to a waterfall (Bhagsunag in McLeodganj). It was completely dark, like it is in forests and in the mountains. We couldn’t see a thing, there was just faint moonlight and the shining dark water below us. We tried to click pictures with those handy digicams people use and the flash was on. To our surprise when the flash clicked, the million water droplets of the waterfall shone like diamonds falling towards us. Words can’t do justice to that moment, it was too beautiful to be true. We kept on clicking pictures just to see those water droplets/diamonds. I was thinking about Sylvia Plath today, I think I also dreamt of her yesterday night. maybe because I saw a book of hers in a friend’s bookshelf yesterday. I have been having bad dreams for a while now. I assume that bad dreams mean the opposite in real life so I don’t get worried. Doesn’t it happen to you too that when you see someone’s bookshelf, you can’t sit back until you have seen and noted each and every book on it. Maybe if you’re not a book lover, that might not happen with you, but I am sure whatever you’re passionate about must drive you crazy in the same way. I personally can’t resist scanning each and every book. I read everything and anything that I can put my hands upon. I just CANNOT DO NOTHING! That is also how my habit of reading books started. When I was realllly young, we used to visit the doctor a lot, maybe because of my asthma or maybe because of something that was ailing my parents at the moment but I remember some beautifully illustrated childrens’ books lying there and I could never ever resist reading them. I always finished one or two when I went there and that is where it all started. I have definitely come a long way from there. It’s what they say right, whatever happens, happens for the best! ❤

Love,

S.